À vos plumes
!كلنا تائهون يا صديقي
أريد الشيء و أريد نقيضه ..
أريد أن أنعزل و أرتاح و أريد أن أجالس البعض و أضحك و أصنع معهم ذكريات جميلة. أريد أن أحلم و أتخيل و أريد أن أعيش الواقع بكل جوانبه.
أريد أن أحب و لا أريد … و ما المغزى من كل هاته الصراعات و من المنتصر فيها؟ .. لا أدري و لكن أعلم أني لست من سينتصر فعقلي يهدمني كل يوم .. كل ساعة .. كل لحظة .. و مع كل حرف أكتبه أرمي بعضا من ذلك الركام في هاته السطور .. و مع كل جزء يسقط أشعر أنني أفقد نفسي و أشعر أنني أعيد اكتشافها من البداية .. صراعات مخيفة تحتدم داخلي و تتداخل مشكلة متاهة مركزها الأنا التي ما عدت أعلم كيف أصفها فكلما وصفتها وجدتها تشكلت في صورة جديدة ووجدت أني قد غفلت عن بعض الجوانب فيصير محالا رسمها أو ترجمتها إلى حروف .. رغم أنها مدفونة في كل سطر وكل كلمة وكل حرف وحتى في هامش الورقة الذي لا يحمل لمسة الحبر …
ما عدت أعرف ما أريد يا أمي و أشتقت لنفسي، أشتقت لجوانبي المبتسمة، لجوانبي المشعة، لجوانبي السعيدة .. لجوانبي الراحلة التي تركتني أتخبط في الأطلال و الحنين للماضي و الرغبة في التقدم نحو المستقبل المجهول …
وفي هاته الليلة الباردة تدفقت في صدري أفكار متشعبة جعلتني أشعر بالدفء فبعضها حمم من الغضب و بعضها لمسة دافئة من الإهتمام و كلها تتداخل في عنف و عنفوان و أنا أغوص فيها في سكون يعم أقصى ربوع ذاتي … و لكن ما عدت أعرف بماذا أشعر؟! فالنظام موجود و الفوضى موجودة والسكون موجود والضوضاء موجودة والسلم موجود والحرب موجودة وكلها انعكاسات لي و تغيرات حالي و لكن حضورها كلها في آن هو ما دمر مفهوم المنطق داخلي ..
أنظر للنجوم آملا أن ترشدني سبيل الانتفاضة على الوضع الحالي على الرغم من ثقتي بأن النجوم لم تكن يوما بهادية لمن أضاع طريق الوصول لذاته و لكن لا أحد يعلم ما يدور في رأسي .. حتى أنا .. خاصة أنا .. فقد استسلمت ومللت البحث عن نور لا أدري شكله .. أهو بشر ينتزعني من حضيض الأفكار السوداء؟ أم هي ضربة حظ تقلب عالمي و تبكيني فرحا؟ ولكني متيقن أن نفسي هي منقذتي و معذبتي .. إذ ما عدت أعلم كيف أوجهها فقد حطمت أمواج النكسات الدفة و تركتني تحت سماء من التيه و بحر من الغضب .. تشتعل ذاتي و ترتفع شدة الغضب أحيانا و أحيانا أجلس أتأمل النجوم و أشعر بكل شيء : تدفق الدم في عروقي ، تعب تحت عيون أرهقها الأرق ، و صدى يتكرر في رأسي مخلفا روتينا قاتلا …
أنا متعب يا أماه …أريد أن أغير كل معالم الواقع بدءا بنفسي .. وخاصة نفسي .. فقد مللت وتعبت من كل التعقيدات و المخاوف و القلق … متعب ليس لأني أفكر لكن لأني أفرطت في التفكير في فرضيات ترهق العقل و تثير جراح في صدر متخن .. لقد بانت ندوب الواقع على عينين لم تذرفا دمعا بل كبحت جماح كل الهموم و حين جهزت قافلتي لأعبر العاصفة نسيت نفسي ونسيت القافلة و بدأت بالدوران حول هالة من الإحباط فككتني إلى مليون شظية .. لكن، سأبتسم فالفجر قادم و سأتناسى مشاكلي غدا وأجمع شتات نفسي و أنتفض.
Chapter 6 : Rwanda, the Rwandan Genocide.
This is a journey unlike any other, offering a rare glimpse into a dark period of time.
The wanderer was suddenly transported to an unfamiliar place. He looked around with a sense of bewilderment, trying to grasp a detail, something he could recognize, but nothing seemed to click. He was in a dense forest surrounded by hills. The air was thick and humid, filled with the scent of exotic plants and damp earth. The sounds of birds singing, leaves rustling, and towering trees swaying in the breeze all blended together to create a symphony of harmonious sounds across the wilderness.
The forest was alive and vibrant, and the wanderer was struck by its beauty and serenity.
Despite his earlier confusion and fear, a wave of enthusiasm swept over his body at the thought of having a new mission of discovery and uncovering the mysteries of this new place.
The wanderer was bursting with curiosity and a fascination for exploration like ever. He hankered after adventure and was always eager to take on new experiences.
And so he sat off into the unknown. The sun had set and darkness had fallen, his steps now became slower as he walked through the dark terrains of the forest. The cool air was refreshing against his skin, and the sounds of the night were a comforting presence .
When he reached the top of the hill, he paused to catch his breath and take in the stunning view before him. The city below was illuminated by thousands of twinkling lights, resembling bright stars in a dark sky. As the night progressed, new lights continued to evolve and their soft glow contrasted beautifully with the starry sky overhead which was the cherry on top.
The refreshing soft breeze and the sounds of crickets humming added a sense of peacefulness to this magical atmosphere.
That night’s scene was indeed a sensory feast and the wanderer said under his breath:” I must be very lucky to witness nature, in all its splendor and glory.”
He then started to look around for a place to sleep. He found a comfortable spot between a few rocks, sheltered from the wind but still has a good view. He laid down, gazing up at the sky and feeling blissful. At last, he was drifting off into Dreamland, embraced by the warmth of nature and surrounded by its beauty.
Hours had passed and the world was slowly waking up from its slumber as the sun rose above the realms of horizon, indicating the beginning of a new day. The wanderer, however, remained in a deep sleep.
The sunlight brushed against his face. Singing birds woke him up, and he felt like he had slept better than ever before. He stretched his arms in contentment, and as he stood up, he was rewarded with breathtaking sights.
The sky was crystal clear and streaked with bright white clouds. The hills stretched out in a wide arc along the horizon with their greenery slopes and vivid wildflowers. And under the influence of the sunlight, trees, plants and grasses were all shimmering. The sound of humming was everywhere, all was fluttering and flying, with new smells and new hues, the wanderer was evidently in a state of sensual intoxication.
That scene was like a masterpiece that came to life from a painter’s canvas.
As he was contemplating the landscapes, he sensed a familiarity from this place ,which he could not recognize at first, and wasn’t quite sure why.
Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, he realized he was in Rwanda, the Central African jem. The hills, forests and exotic smells – it all made sense in his mind now.
This small country located in the heart of Africa and known as the « land of a thousand hills » for its captivating mountainous terrains. The wanderer really felt as if he was in a dream. But soon he realized that this was not a dream, but the beauty and wonder of Rwanda as it truly is.
For a long moment, the wanderer simply sat on top of the hill, taking in the beauty of Rwanda and feeling grateful for this opportunity to visit it because he had always longed for learning more about its culture and history.
He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and fresh air filled his lungs. He was overwhelmed by a sense of refreshment and vitality, as if nothing could disturb this pleasure.
Suddenly, a burst of screaming sounds was heard faintly from down the village. The wanderer was confused as to what could be the reason for this commotion. And so, he decided to get down to the nearby village down the hills and discover for himself.
As he was stumbling his way through the forest, heart pounding fast in his chest, feeling uneasy and not knowing what he was going to witness, he tripped over some tree roots and almost fell but he contained himself so as not to be heard.
Finally he reached a part of town that was empty and lifeless. Gloominess hung over it like a dark cloud. It was a haunting and eerie sight at once.
A sense of fear started to well up inside him, as he realized that he was completely alone in this place. He looked around trying to find any proof of what was happening and he saw a house with a wide open door. He entered slowly, with glazed eyes, scanning everything surrounding him until he saw a calendar hung on the wall and he stopped abruptly.
But as he was reading the date, he stood speechless, his eyes grew bigger and an expression of fear was drawn all over his face. It was “1 April 1994”, an indelible date in the history of Rwanda.
It marked the beginning of the Rwandan genocide, a mass slaughter and one of the most horrific acts of violence in recent times. Over a period of 100 days, from April to July 1994, an estimated 800,000 people from the Tutsi ethnic group, as well as moderate Hutus, were massacred by Hutu militia groups.
The wanderer realized with growing horror that this tragic event was happening right at that moment.
And in a trice, a loud scream shattered the silence of the place, it felt as if it was from just outside the house. A brick of panic and uncertainty lodged in his gut. He didn’t know what to do next but curiosity overcame him and decided to take a look.
He went out but found nothing. He continued walking cautiously between trees to avoid being seen.
Soon, a repugnant sight was presented before his eyes.
There was a woman lying on the ground, her face was bloody and her arms clenched to her baby. A few feet from her, there was a man, completely covered in blood and his features were unrecognizable. These unfortunate souls seemed to be once a family…and now they were gone.
The wanderer had a terrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and felt as if a million volts surged through his body. No other sight provoked such a visceral reaction.
He walked away, eventually, having seen enough, while the wails of distressed people and children rang through the air.
A real tragic story was being played out in the streets of Rwanda not like a fairytale.
In that moment, the wanderer felt desperate to stop this increasing madness that was tearing Rwanda apart. He wanted to put an end to this violence and hatred. He wanted to yell, to scream and to cry out against it all.
Yet again, it was much bigger than what he could offer. He couldn’t help everyone, could he? Plus, the tragedy has already started happening.
Ultimately, he realized that he can’t change the course of history and it was destined to be.
He knew that Rwanda will emerge as a resilient nation despite all the challenges it has faced and won’t turn the page to this tragedy but rather turn the tide to its growth and flourishment to ensure a better future for its citizens.
Remembering the Rwandan Genocide is important for acknowledging the victims and survivors of this devastating event, and for ensuring that such atrocities never occur again. It serves as a stark reminder of the consequences of hatred and division.
Rwanda, nowadays, is one of the fastest-growing economies in Africa and has been acknowledged for its hard work and innovative strategies to catalyze positive change.
The wanderer learned from this journey that even in the midst of such darkness, there is always hope for a brighter future to arise.
He already had an inkling that this might be an experience of a lifetime and a story to be shared for all times. Undoubtedly, Rwanda will hold a precious place in his heart.
And so the wanderer sat off to a new journey, filled with a sense of gratitude at the infinite adventures that lie ahead and convinced that there are plenty of great things to unravel.
Written By : Chams Daghsni.
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