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Dépression…

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وتجيك لحظة تحس روحك حابس في شطر الثنية معادش عندك القدرة باش تكمل.

تاعب ضعيف مخنوق الوقت يجري و الأيامات الكل تشبه لبعضها… حاس بغصة تحب تعبر وتصيح وتبكي أما مش منجم, تعدي نهارك سارح وتخمم, تبعد على أصحابك على الناس إلي تحبهم و يحبوك, تحس فما حاجة متبدلة فيك, حاجة أقوى منك تجبد فيك و كل وين تحاول تخرج من هذا الكل تعاود ترجعك التالي و تخنقك أكثر, والأصعب أنك في وسط هذا الكل متنجمش تحكي و تشكي خاطر إنت أصلا مش عارف روحك شبيك.

كل إلى تعرفو إلي معاد حتى حاجة عندها قيمة عندك, سارح مهموم و حزين هكا إنت وليت..

مترتاح كان كيف تبدى وحدك في فرشك في دنيتك الصغيرة إلي صنعتها لروحك, تغمض عينك يهزك النوم تحلم بروحك عامل جو و شايخ قلبك يدق فرحان و عامل كيف على الدنيا. متفيق كان بصوت تليفونك الصباح يرجعك ل الواقع و يفكرك, يفكرك بحالتك كيفاه ولات, يفكرك بروحك إلي ضايعة منك و بالضحكة إلي تسرقت من وجهك.

و كالعادة تقوم معينك في شيء, تقوم خاطر لازمك تقوم, تلقى أمك محضرتلك الفطور بوك يستنى فيك و خواتك يلعبو و ضحكهم معبي الدار. تتبسم فوق من قلبك و تمشي معندكش القدرة حتى باش تحكي, تسمع في صوت الداخل يصيح في وذنك نهار كامل, صوت يقلك إنت فاشل متنجم تعمل شيء, حياتك فارغة معندها حتى معنى. تحاول تعبي وقتك و تنسى أما متنجمش الصوت ديما معاك و يتبع فيك, تخنقت و تعبت و فديت…

مالأول قلت أيامات و يتعداو كيف وجيعة الراس بالوقت تتنحى, أما الأيام طوالو, الخنقة زادت و الوجيعة كبرت, توصل تتمنى الموت باش ترتاح, تحس روحك في حفرة غارقة مش منجم تخرج.

تستنى في حاجة مش باش تصير, في مساج مش باش يجي, في عبد مش باش يرجع, في حكاية مشات…

أما لوقتاه شتبقى هكا؟؟

كل يوم يتعدى تزيد تغرق أكثر و تموت و إنتي حي

اليوم قررت باش ناقف دموعي باش نمسحهم جروحي باش نداويهم و فرحتي باش نفرحها

اليوم قررت باش نعاود نعيش و باش نخرج من قبري و نتنفس

ضحكتي اليوم نعاود نرسمها و شنعمل جوانح و نطير و حياتي كيما كانت نرجعها,

نحسنها و نعيشها

اليوم قررت باش نحكي حكايتي و وجيعتي, حكايتي إلي تنجم تكون نفسهم حكايتك و حكاية 100 كيفي و كيفك

حكاية إنسان كان شايخ فرحان في لحظة حياتو تقلبت و فرحتو تسرقت من غير حتى سبب

اليوم باش نبدى مالأول و جديد و نطلع خطوة خطوة, اليوم أنا مش فاشل, اليوم أنا نجم نوصل من غير ميعاوني حد, و حلمتي أنا نسطرها اليوم, اليوم شنصيح نثور و نتمرد و نتحرر, اليوم ناقف قدام المراية نرى روحي قوية…

و إنتي زادة نحبك تاقف, تغمض عينيك و تصنع من ضعفك قوة, تتفكر روحك كيفاه كنت, تتفكر أحلامك و تقول أنا قوي و شيء مينجم يحبسني و حتى كيف نطيح نعاود نقوم, أنا الضوء ألي ميطفاش, أنا الوردة إلي متذبلش و أنا الحكاية إلي متوفاش…

حب روحك و حب حياتك و متخليش لحظة ضعف تغلبك

بقلم منال عيساوي

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The Dual Nature of Fear: Protector and Parasite

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Fear: Friend or Foe?

What if fear isn’t your enemy but your greatest ally? Explore how this powerful emotion secretly shapes your life and might be the key to unlocking your true self.

 

The Quest for Self-Discovery

As individuals and members of the human race, we should devote our greatest effort to discovering who we truly are. We often arrogantly proclaim to know ourselves better than anyone else, but do we? When we hear the word “fear,” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? It likely conjures images of trauma and negative experiences. This amalgamation of letters has gripped many of us, playing a significant role in our existence.

 

Fear’s Significance and History

“Fear.” This small word may seem insignificant, yet it is full of meaning and history. Most people deeply care about their lives, and this tendency exists thanks to fear, even if many tremble at the mere mention of it.

 

The Denial of Fear

As humans, we have a tendency to deny what we don’t understand. We often deny our fear. This is understandable; we are naturally drawn to heroic narratives. Everyone loves tales of bravery and fearlessness. We revel in stories of victory and triumph. So, why should we care about fear?

 

Fear as a Fundamental Human Trait

Fear is a fundamental aspect of our humanity. What kind of brave person denies their true identity, unless we are discussing cowardice? Fear is a powerful emotion; it can speak without uttering a word. While fear may make us seem weak or inferior, it can also affirm our humanity. Fear serves as both a guardian and a ruler, governing our choices and decisions. And believe me, ruling is no easy task, especially in an unstable democracy of emotions and chemicals.

 

Fear as a Survival Mechanism

When the kingdom is under attack, fear can override reason and logic to ensure survival, even if the perceived danger is illusory. Fear acts as a musician, playing the drumbeats of our lives, its music resonating with the world around us. This vibration takes hold of the souls of all living beings.

 

Fear’s Role in Time and Perception

When fear takes charge, we feel our existence connect with the universe. We sense our lives intertwining with something vast and complex. Time slows down, transforming into something else entirely, while our perception sharpens, turning our world into a battlefield.

 

Fear as the Overprotective Mother

Fear can be likened to an overprotective mother, striving to shield her children, yet her protectiveness may hinder their growth and limit their potential. This complex emotion plays dual roles, serving as both protector and sage.

 

Fear’s Parasitic Nature

This inherited facet of our evolution influences our daily behaviors and shapes our character. At times, it turns into a parasite, draining our energy and hindering our progress. Unlike typical parasites, this inner fire originates from our own being; it can stifle our movement or compel us to act impulsively.

 

Fear’s Betrayal in Communication

This force can sometimes act disloyally, betraying its creator. For example, when our fear of judgment undermines our ability to communicate clearly, it jeopardizes our goals ,whether making a good impression or articulating a point. Miscommunication often leads to misunderstandings.

 

The Overwhelming Force of Fear

Viewing the world from this perspective can be enlightening, even if we cannot prove we share the same perceptions. When fear becomes overwhelming, it can manifest as a mentally unstable individual grappling with severe trust issues. This emotion does not easily relinquish control over our destiny or our capacity for change.

 

Fear’s Relationship with Learning and Future Prediction

Fear compels us to obsess over predicting the future and learning from the past, as it intensely despises pain, especially when repeated. Fear’s aversion to pain fuels our motivation and imagination, enabling us to predict effectively and avoid obstacles. Surprisingly, fear can accelerate the learning process.

 

Fear’s Role in Human Beliefs

This complex chemical response empowers human beliefs and convictions, adding a unique spark that transforms them into dogma, shaping our behavior. Fear renders beliefs unquestionable; when we deny our beliefs, we deny our identity. All humans have standards, fortified by fear. Without fear, we are nobody. Fear is, in essence, us.

 

Modern Fears and Illusions

Our fears of change, rejection, the unknown, failure, loneliness, dissatisfaction, and unmet expectations are illusions that have become overly significant in our lives. While desire undeniably influences these fears, they have overshadowed fear’s original purpose: survival and the preservation of our existence.

 

Mental Survival in the 21st Century

We still engage in the same primitive survival game, but today’s survival is more mental than physical. In the 21st century, we battle internal dangers and threats. The technological and scientific revolution has shifted our struggles from the external world to our minds.

 

Emptiness and the Human Spirit

Homo sapiens no longer strive to coexist with the external world; our focus has shifted to mental survival. Humanity, with its problem-solving tendencies, may even create challenges just to enjoy overcoming them. While we abhor pain, we also cannot tolerate emptiness.

 

Fear and the Freedom of Choice

The human spirit is unaccustomed to emptiness and the freedom of choice. We thrive under pressure. Fear, once selected by nature for survival, has become less useful in a world dominated by peace. Our violent nature, no longer expressed physically, threatens either our destruction or our evolution.

 

The Inner Predators

If violence once protected us from external threats, today’s predators reside within us. Can we protect ourselves from ourselves and our potential actions? This is a question we must explore.

 

The Future of Fear

We try to envision virtual dangers to validate fear, but how long can this continue? Is it possible that fear will eventually be selected out by nature and become obsolete? If fear’s only remaining role is in competition, isn’t that more closely related to greed, desire, and humanity’s inherent hunger for power and occupation? Can fear survive in the modern world? That is the question.

 

Written By: Habib Riden

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