Schools and high-schools, places where we learn, where we make friends, experience new things, make a lot of wonderful memories.. Is that totally true?

A small clarification:

No, it feels like it is missing something.. Something that not the majority of students have been through, and something that, unfortunately, some people think is funny,cool even.

The ugly truth speaks, to wake you up, and make you realize that it’s actually PAINFUL, HURTFUL, SHAMEFUL and UNFAIR.

Have you recognized it? It’s bullying, and yes I was a victim of it.

Waking up every morning, getting dressed, going out, smiling..thinking it’ll be a better day than yesterday..

But I end up crying like a little child, or falling on the gound, or putting on my headphones just to survive through the string of insults stabbing me mercilessly, trying to hold all the pain inside me.

Why ?

I couldn’t find an answer yet.. I still don’t know what’s funny or cool about humiliating other kids and turning their life into hell, how could they possibly think that?

Cool and popular kids were never superior, we were, just as they said, « different » in a way that made us feel like we didn’t belong.

They made us feel uncomfortable and unwanted, even though we blonged to the same school , we felt like we came from another planet.

See? It’s not logical..

Who is in control?

Want to know more about stuff that can get you bullied? Let me list you some:

Being too fat,… or too skinny (yeah)

Wearing glasses or braces

Being a « nerd » which became a trend now

Wearing unfashionable clothes

Being  »ugly »

What?

Yes, being ugly as they say, no make up, a beautiful hairstyle, a sexy and attractive body, fashionable clothes..

But we all know that there is a fact they keep omitting; WE DIDN’T CREATE OURSELVES ..That’s the way we look. Don’t judge people.. You might be getting the wrong image..

They judge you for being unathletic, being single, having different interests (more like listening to rock or metal which makes you a satanist for them or a depressed emo too), sometimes even having a different skin color, and too many other things that really shouldn’t matter this much actually..

By this much, I mean enough to get you punched.. fall on the floor daily.. get your head shoved into the toilet.. spending the night crying in bed, thinking about what prank is waiting for you tomorrow: a ball in the face? Mud all over your clothes? Water balloons? Having to walk through waves of endless silly jokes, bad words, insults.. tearing you apart.. killing you day after day and making you give up on life.. on fun.

Having no one by your side since no one would like to hang out with the « losers », right? Painful, isn’t it?

Sitting alone during lunch, breaks, class, maybe a prank would break that loneliness or you might just end up hungry since they would steal your food.

Your smile, your happiness, passion, ambition, and creativity.

« You’re scaring me.. » « Stop.. » we whispered..

Yes, they make you become numb.. All you did was study, get humiliated, and go home.

I was there, I felt weak and vulnerable because of someone stronger, more powerful or maybe more « popular ».. I couldn’t stop it..

It’s haunting me everywhere.. » useless », « ugly », « male », « guy », « weirdo .. »,  » emo », « flat ».. I won’t mention it all..

It hurts..Do they realize? I kept ignoring their words, replacing them with music flowing in my ears.

Some used me so I would help them get good grades; they pretended to be my friends, but I ended up walking away since they made fun of me whenever they had the chance. Do they enjoy seeing other people crying or bleeding? 

How will we get rid of endless fear?

I can say that you’re to become fake, to follow them. But no, what about you sticking up to whoever you are? How about you show some rage? Some anger? Maybe they’ll make fun of you again or you’ll end up getting hit, but it’s worth it to be honest.

It makes you feel satisfied whenever you think about it.

I tried fighting fire with ice at first, but it only made me melt.. I replaced ice with fire and here I am.

Even though it doesn’t always work. But we need to try and break the ice cubes we caged ourselves in.

Don’t cry.. Instead, show them how bugs could kill lions.

Teenagers suffered and are still suffering from this issue that we don’t discuss a lot but need to..

They’re helpless and depressed, they feel like they’re outsiders, aliens, sometimes even clowns.

All what they will face are isolation years.. But making a decision to change and fight for yourself is a must..

Bullying is unstoppapble.. So are you, and them, everyone who feels or felt the same way as I did.

So it’s useless for you to stand still and watch yourself become emotionless day after day..

What I want to say is, that no matter how desperate you felt, you have to clean up the dust all over your clothes and speak ..

Shout it outloud : » YOU DON’T OWN ME ..AND YOU WILL NEVER OWN ME . I HAVE A LIFE AND IT HAS A PURPOSE, SO STAY OUT OF IT , STAY AWAY FROM ME , ENOUGH PAIN .. ARE YOU DONE YET ? HIT ME HARDER BECAUSE I’M NOT GIVING UP YET. I DESERVE TO BE HERE , YOU’RE NOT BETTER . »

You hear that coming out of different broken souls?

Crying endlessly, running away.. was a solution until we’ve realized it was a useless one..

Make friends who would actually look deeper for how nice and helpful you might be.

How funny and cool you may be ..

Ugliness can hide  »cool stuff » as they say.. Find people who would actually care, and would like to get to know you as a PERSON.

It’s hard to get yourself out of your shell, but it’s more than worth it since you’ll  also get yourself out of a living hell.

Yes, I’ll say it.. Schools and students’ lives are not only about exams or success or grades.. It hides painful memories of people sitting in the corner wishing they could actually laugh or have fun just like the « cool kids ». What if this is actually true?

I would speak forever but I’ll let you finish my words.

Hurt enough to be as happy as I am right now.

Thankful for rising against what I used to call monsters.