The question of how to establish a connection with an almost stranger may seem a bit bewildering at first, for some philosophical even. But then the answer rather naturally comes to mind. Some of you may suggest befriending their friends,  others may suggest initiating a small conversation or inviting them out for a coffee, but what most of you will almost absolutely do, is an action that has both become a central part of our social lives and perhaps the most artificial of them  : send them a friend request on Facebook. Now before you stop reading this article and assume I’m going to start an anti-social media tirade, worry and fear not. As a user of social networks myself, I do not hold anyone to a double standard nor do I think of social –media as some sort of fléau; I do, however, have my own criticism of these platforms and the way we use them.

Social networks, by initial design, were never meant to replace social lives and interactions. Quite the opposite, their sole purpose was to complement it. Facebook was designed as a platform to share the moments and experiences you’ve lived with others, Twitter, to share the thoughts you’d like to announce to the world, etc. But the trend has been changing for a while now; with social media seemingly replacing real life interaction, starting with video calls and live announcement to the world. The positive feedback loops of reactions and comments that only encourage us  to behave in such a way have only exponentially increased the income of such companies and have equally taken away from the richness and complexity of our lives. By playing on our basic instincts; our desire for social contact and need of a support group, and satisfying everyone’s favorite sins: sloth and envy, social networks discourage us from activities that would truly allow us to empathize and relate to other people.

In a world where texting is the norm, somehow getting a coffee or any other beverage with someone needs to be minutely planned and coordinated and is something of major importance. This type of behavior is not only modifying our vision of social life and interaction, but it’s also modifying our vision of our own lives, and negatively affecting our psychological health. I mean,  how many times did you or someone you know open Instagram, only to be flooded with pictures of people who are having a wonderful time, who have reached happiness by finding what’s seemingly the perfect partner/holiday destination etc, and your life and self-fulfillment felt instantly inferior to theirs? And if these people were so content, what made them share their intimate lives with the world? To ask implicitly or sometimes explicitly for our likes, comments, attention, empathy, and appreciation? If they were so fulfilled, why would they want the appreciation and admiration of people they’d never meet or know?

Coming back to the point about our psychological health, many studies (NCPI, CNN, and MedicalNewsToday) have proven that online connection and communication are NOT a substitute for real life communication. On the contrary, they give us a false sense of connection that is mostly non-existent. Of course, these studies fail to mention that many people suffer from what is perhaps a modern form of multiple identity disorder; where their Facebook persona is something almost entirely different from real life persona, or the classic case of catfishers who prey on most users to satisfy their emotionally sadistic needs.

Needless to say, all of this criticism isn’t just throwing stones for no reason, but simply to put into context some habits that can help you take control of your social life, and reduce its monetization for the behemoth that Facebook has become.

This can be done in many ways:

– Something that many recommend, is to disable notifications from Facebook apps on your phone, or at least select the ones that you want to see? This small habit will reduce the interference that they cause during your everyday life. Or better yet, delete the apps, the Facebook mobile website is as good as mobile web can get, and it’ll help your phone get through the day without dying on you.

– Pick up the phone and call: it doesn’t get any simpler. Although a bit more costly then texting, and a less satisfying alternative to real life contact, it sits nicely in the middle, since human voice still is a basis of human contact and social interaction. For the budget conscious, using apps like Viber and Messenger is a good replacement, and for those with nice cameras and good internet, video calling isn’t exactly a bad solution either.

– Go out more, and share less. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing intimate moments on social networks, it has been proven that living the moment through our phone’s screen rather than our eyes only reduces our enjoyment of it (here). So disconnecting for a few moments will not only allow you to connect more to the people in front of you, it’ll also allow you to better connect with your most innate desire: that for human connection.

Of course, none of these include deleting your account or other extreme measures, because whether we like it or not, Facebook has become an important part of the way we contact people, whether for professional, personal or anything in between purposes.

However, it should never become the main way with which we effectively communicate and truly connect with people, at least until we figure out a way to monetize our empathy and emotions. But then again Facebook reactions may have already done that :v .