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ホセム

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Not every plan goes as it was intended and that’s not always for the worse -just saying-. Anyway, it’s what we learn from our experiences that matters.

“How you doing?”

I would like to start with a question: “How was your day? Good? Bad? You don’t know?”. If the answer is “good” then “how?” or “what made it good?” But, if the answer for the question is “bad” then think again, why did you consider your day to be a bad day? I hope you have an answer, and it has to be convincing, you know.

But, if your answer is “I don’t know” that means (probably) that you took a moment to think about what happened today to better judge. And that’s a good thing.

You’re (again, probably) asking why I am asking you this question? And if so, that’s a good start here. I won’t be telling you the reason (or reasons) behind all of this, you’ll figure it out yourself.

But let’s get back on track, let’s focus. I want you to take a paper and a pen (or pencil, doesn’t matter) and write down one good thing and one bad thing that happened today. Of course, these two things must be relevant to you. Done? Okay, good. Now, try to add two more items on each side and if you can further make the count up to five on each side but it doesn’t matter if you can’t reach that number, what matters is this: try to compare each side to the other. Do the “Good things” side have more value to than the “Bad things” side? Is it the opposite? Are they Equal?

Based on this list, try to re-evaluate your day: is your answer still the same as earlier? If so, the good job (maybe).

The point here is how to better evaluate your day, because we humans tend to focus on the “bad” things and we, mostly, judge our day based on that (sometimes minor) “not so good” event that we may judge a day as a bad one based on that logic even if our day was good overall. So, whenever you feel that your day was awful, make a list and see if you still think that it is awful.

“Hello old me”

In most cases, when people give advice, they’re basically talking to themselves in the past, as Austin Kleon said in one of his books.

So, if someone gives you advice, it’s based on their own experience, they’re essentially speaking to themselves through you, which is good and what I’m saying is just me talking to younger me. Side note: 18-slash-19-years-old-me could use some advice about life choices. Anyway, moving on.

It’s good to be around creative and successful people and gain as much knowledge as possible from ‘em. And in the case where you’re one of the creative minds, share as much experience as possible with others. Of course, without being that “me me me” person. – just saying –

“Go make stuff”

Where do you see yourself in a year, in five years, in the future, anytime? That’s probably the most asked question you’ll ever get once you’re about to leave education and go into the “real” life, this question is often asked during internship and job interviews. But, have you ever asked yourself that question? Do you have an answer for it?

Speaking from a personal perspective, I started questioning my future plans a couple of years ago, it initially started when I failed a class. I kind of have an answer for the question and I said (well, wrote) “kind of” because the answer isn’t definitive and because life situations change and based on that my vision for the future may change. But, what does this have to do with making stuff? It does.

Now, focus. You’ll never know that you’ll want to do something unless you start making it. In my opinion, you will never ever have a good plan, good ideas always come when it’s too late. And, no! getting a “regular” “well paying” job and getting married isn’t a plan, at least not for me.

So, here’s how it goes: you’ll start making something, anything as long as it has a meaning, and start working on it and that’ll help you discover yourself because you’ll never know your limits unless you challenge yourself. So, if you have an idea in mind, go for it. If not on the short term, on the long term. JUST. BLOODY. DO. IT! Make a project and start experimenting. Look at those successful people out there. They had something in mind and they went for it regardless of the capabilities they had.

When you work on something you want to achieve, there are two options: success or failure. If you never start working there’ll be one and only one option: failure.

Now, here are some steps that may help you with the struggle.

First step, convince yourself that it is not worth waiting you’re ready to do “that” thing. Believe me, you’ll never be.

Step two, step away from the screen… Like, seriously… Okay, finish reading first… Never start an idea on a distraction-oriented device. You open your, let’s say, computer, there’s a big probability of you ending up wasting your time and you don’t want to do that.

As far as my life experience go, my best projects are those that started on paper and were enhanced by online and offline research.

Step three, use digital resources right. Don’t waste your time looking at memes. Put your time to good use: read articles and other useful stuff.

Step four, never quit so early. Whenever you’re thinking about quitting there’s a big “chance” that you’re closer than ever to your goal. So, just DON’T GIVE UP!

Well, I hope this helps you to progress more and to progress better.

I’ll be back, but not right back. Until next time, farewell.

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Once upon a time lived a person named ホセム. ホセム was, one night, writing a bio. It was not easy. ホセム is an amateur writer, freelance graphic designer, game designer, developer, calligraphy artist and graffiti artist (they are called bombers). ホセム is a INSAT Press member (You don't say?) ホセム is no longer a student, ホセム is kind of free. ホセム will be happy to work for you or with you (as long as you pay). ホセム doesn't work for free, not anymore. The end.

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Chapter 5 : Medea, A fractured halo.

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The heat was unbearable to say the least, a suffocating hand squeezing the very air from my lungs. As if eternal damnation wasn’t torture enough for the inhabitants of this cursed realm.

Tartarus wasn’t for the weak. Or at least, that’s what I gathered from the looks of it. Down here, the whispers of Asphodel and Elysieum were a cruel joke. Every instinct in my body was begging me to turn and flee, until a flicker of movement in the distance snagged my attention, making me halt in my steps. 

Someone was watching me. 

“Mermerus?” a woman’s voice echoed through the abyss, “Mermerus, is that you?”

Words died on my tongue. Though a silver of desperation lingered in her voice, everything about the approaching figure sent chills skittering down my spine. Crimson red robes, the color of spilled blood, clung to her form, a stark contrast to her pale skin. Her untamed black hair almost covered the entirety of her back. Something about her seemed disturbingly primordial. This was no benevolent spirit, no sorrowful soul. This woman was a true creature of darkness, someone who had not simply adapted to Tartarus but seemed to thrive in its haunting embrace.

As she drew closer, I could see the disappointment in her eyes slowly settle in. For I wasn’t Mermerus, nor did I know of this person she despondently wanted me to be.

Mere inches separated us now. She towered over me then reached out her hand to cup my face. Her touch wasn’t one of comfort, but far from it.

“You do look remarkably like him.” She murmured, the softness in her voice a fleeting mirage.

“Who is he?” I managed to let out as she turned around and started to make her way back.

“My child.”

“And where is he now?” I dared to ask.

The sound of her footsteps abruptly stopped. In the deafening silence, she turned, a cruel smile twisting her lips.

“Dead.”  She said, her voice devoid of emotion, “I killed him.”

A minute passed, or maybe an eternity I’m not certain. Those last three words hung in the air between us, words that felt more like a boast than a regretful confession. 

“Oh please, spare me the shock, I’m sick of it, Who are you boy? Did Aphrodite send you to further taunt me? Sending a boy who looks like my dead child is a wicked move I must admit.” 

“No, my lady.“ I gulped, “Forgive me but I don’t even know who you are.”

A notorious laugh escaped her lips. “Gods and their twisted games.“ she spat, a flicker of something akin to boredom flashing in her eyes. “Fine then, I am Medea, Grand-daughter of the sun. Daughter of the sea, Niece to supreme sorceress Circe. Witch.” She took a step closer, forcing me to crane my neck to meet her gaze. “ A mere thread separates the bumbling foolishness of mortals and the cruel whims of the gods » she hissed, the last word dripping with venom. “ And I walk that thread fueled by powers you, child, can faintly comprehend.”

Ignoring the termance in my voice, I managed to ask “How did you end up here then? amidst this…torment?”

“Why don’t I show you?” she whispered, her voice laced with dark amusement.

Before I could protest, she reached out for my hand. She muttered something in a tongue I couldn’t quite decipher, a strange incantation. The world began to wrap and twist, the great sleep, the great forgetting, darkness, then light.

The world solidified again, I was no longer in Tartarus. My body didn’t feel like mine, Stagnant powers lurked within me, Realization dawned on me.

 

I wasn’t looking at Medea anymore, I was Medea.

 

Everything was a blur, experiencing one’s memories through their eyes was nothing short of disorienting. The visions got slightly clearer; A Flash of a golden fleece, the triumphant glint in a pair of unfamiliar eyes. A love so intense it burned. Sacrifices made, yet promises shattered, betrayal, passion morphed into a cage of raging fury, lust for revenge, bloody hands. The smell of death, A chilling satisfaction, A hollow victory, Then back to darkness. 

My eyes fluttered open. I stretched my hands, relieved to feel my own body again.

“How did you do that? Doesn’t being in Tartarus stop you from casting any spells?” I breathe out, still dizzy from the lingering magic.

Medea arched an eyebrow as if I had just asked her the most nonsensical question ever.

“I am a witch, boy. Forever bound to earth. I am tied to the four elements. Tartarus is filled with one of them in all its forms, Fire. My power comes from within. Although this cursed place has tamed it, it could never quench its flames.”

The frustration in her eyes mirrored the confusion churning within me. The visions… hazy fragments that have left me reeling. “I felt them…” I stammered, meeting her gaze, “Your emotions, your rage, as if they were mine.” The weight of a story demanding to be told hung in the air. “Tell me Lady Medea, what has happened to you?”

 

A sigh followed by, then she began to unravel her past before me.

 

“Colchis was my home. Magic flowed through my veins, a birthright passed down from my ancestors. Then came Jason, a Greek hero with eyes that shimmered like the Aegean sea and a smile that promised forever. How foolish I was. For him, I defied my own blood. I won him the golden fleece, a prize named by his uncle in order to reclaim his throne. Looking back now, I realize what a waist of muscles Jason was. Without my magic and my wits, he could’ve never returned to his lands victorious AND unharmed. I vowed to protect him. I fled my home to be by his side. Bloody sacrifices on the altar of his empty ambitions. I was promised by Aphrodite an everlasting love as beautiful as dawn breaking over mount olympus if I aid him in his ‘heroic’ quest. I forgot however that while Jason was the goddess’s chosen, I was nothing but her pawn. A mere puppet that will grant her ephemeral glory once hit by Cupid’s bows. But promises made by the gods are fickle. A lesson I had yet to learn at that age.” 

Medea’s fists clenched, turning her knuckles white. She glared into the distance, as if she was reliving the past.

 

“Another woman caught Jason’s eye upon our arrival to Greece. A princess named Glauce with royal blood and a kingdom to rule over. He cast me aside, leaving me and our children within a blink of an eye . Foolish, foolish man. He had underestimated me, like the rest of them. My grief turned into rage. Revenge became the ultimate goal, a burning ember demanding to burn all it touched. Killing him was never an option. I needed him to feel an ounce of the agony I have felt while breathing still. So I did what had to be done. I took from him what he grew to value most, his new fiancé, her father’s money, and our own offspring. And if I had to, I would do it all over again.”

 

A look of serenity washed over Medea’s eyes. She unclenched her fists, her shoulders relaxed. I waited in silence for her to finish her story.

 

“Heaven and Hell became mere words to me. I fled Corinth, cloaked in the golden chariot my grand-father Helios sent me, leaving Jason a broken shell of the man I once loved. People may call me a villain, a mad woman, the devil incarnate for some, but I call myself a hero. I was the one who won the golden fleece. I have defied dragons and armies, navigated foreign waters alongside Jason’s crew and secured his throne all by myself. I deserved the recognition. I have spent my whole life diluting myself to make it easier to be loved. I have dimmed my magic, a witch masquerading as a human for an oath of eternal happiness. I was more than content with working in the shadows and letting Jason take credit for my mastery if only it meant he would be with me. And what do I get in return? Betrayal. Tragedy is a condition to existence, and I have chosen madness as my defense against it. For the dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn’t. My guilt will not purify me. And I accepted that long ago. Let them fear my wrath, let them whisper of my madness. Let them blindly pretend that all of their favorite heroes haven’t bathed their hands in blood too. But of course, blood doesn’t taint a man’s heroism. When a man seeks vengeance, it’s a mark of strength. When a woman does the same, she’s branded a monster.”

 

She tipped her chin upward, as if addressing the very gods who have betrayed her.

 

“I am no longer a pawn of fates. I am Medea, I am my own person and I shall spend my remaining days here in Tartarus, my new found home, where I truly belong.”

 

I stood there, transfixed. Words failed to decipher what I felt at that moment. Medea eyed me up and down one last time. 

“It’s truly incredible how much you look like Mermerus.” she softly whispered,  “Be careful boy. Don’t trust anyone but yourself down here.”

 

My mind grew heavy with questions left unanswered. I watched as Medea disappeared in the swirling sulfurous mist just as she had emerged from it moments prior.  As I started to make my way back towards the gates, I realized that by simply accepting her fate, this scorned woman has already defied the gods. I may not call her a hero, as she demanded to be called, but she definitely wasn’t a villain either. The very line between good and evil blurred before me. I left Tartarus with a heavy heart and a newfound perspective.

 

 

Written by : Fatma Ben Romdhane.

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