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The Voices In Her Head

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They were all complaining. So, she decided to go to sleep in order to silence them. It backfired when they all followed her. The voices got louder and clearer.

They made her question her decisions, her priorities, her every move. She tried to make them fade by thinking about her day… Terrible idea! They all had something to say.

They criticize every second of it from the moment she decides to wake up.

« You should have slept five more minutes. » Said laziness till the moment she decided to put two pillows over her head. « You will wake up with neckache. » Said her mommy’s voice.

« Why does it even bother you ? » She yelled in her dark room  » I inherited it from you, remember? ».

Her mum wasn’t supposed to be there. She moved out just to stop her mother from trying to control her decisions; She has too much on her plate already…

She actually likes some of them.

Her best friend who always reminds her to take off her socks before going to bed: « It’s disgusting. » Says the voice whenever she claims she is too tired and cold.

The lady from the grocery store « I will make a new scarf for you sweety, » says the old lady as she hands her the groceries.

She looked at her hangers and smiled at the 24 scarfs she owns. She must think about starting to wear them now or the lady will never stop knitting.

She started thinking about that woman: She looks like a 60-year-old with 2 kids who live in two different countries while she resides with her husband and 3 fat cats, which she actually is.

She started thinking about the moments she spent at the lady’s house when her kids were still in the neighbourhood; they were friends. They played together, watched Tom & Jerry together, even killed a cat together.

« That was an accident, » She screamed, « you really had to mention it, didn’t you? »

« Well, it was your idea, » Said guilt, « You wanted to throw the cat out of the window. »

« Tom did it! So I thought it wouldn’t be so much of a difference. » she said.

She looked around and thanked God she could afford a crib for herself. She doesn’t really appriciate people looking at her as if she is crazy because she is not.

She knows everyone has some fears of their own. She knows some memories are made to scar you for life and she also knows that everyone has voices inside their heads. They just call them thoughts.

Thoughts don’t talk, they don’t remind you of something you lived before, they don’t give you pieces of advice or teach you manners. Thoughts are just what they are: thoughts; newborn ideas also known as ‘new voices’.

She hates to think. Because every time she does, she gives birth to a new bully: she feeds him, gives him the tools and introduces him to the other bullies. After a while, the ‘ thought’ becomes a new voice.

« Think about the day you told that one person about us. » said someone sitting in the back of her head.

« It’s called a therapist. » she said with every bit of sarcasm she had in her inner voice, « people called me crazy, I had to check. »

She already knows where this conversation is heading to. She had it a million times with them; they think she betrayed  them, talked about them behind their backs… She knows they can’t interfere when she is talking to someone. After all, they have manners.

« We told you they were wrong, » Screamed anger.

« Well, sorry for not believing you! But, I thought their story made sense. » She knows she lied, that’s why she prayed they would let it go this time.

« Thank you for that, » Said a kid’s voice in the crowd.

She was expecting this new comer’s appearance but this was the fastest of them all; that’s proof of how much she fears that idea. But, she went to a therapist! She shouldn’t be scared.

« They are your conscience making you function the way you should be. » Said the therapist “ We all have them, but we don’t really pay attention to them. We convince ourselves they are all our conscience.”

She tried to change the subject. She wants to go to sleep but her day was just too awesome for that. She turned to the other side and started thinking about the shoes she bought. They are black high heels. She was thinking about wearing them to her friend’s wedding.

« Like, are you serious?! Girl, all the bride’s mates are supposed to wear matching shoes. » Said the bride’s voice with a grin. She suddenlly remembered the stupid pact she made with her friends when they were thirteen. She regretted it as soon as the voices appeared that day.

She unlocked her phone to check the time. It was late. She should go to sleep now. She has to wake up early. They need her in the office.

« Of course, they need coffee after all. » Said shame.

She ignored that voice. She always did. She is still a trainee: someone who is supposed to make coffee for everyone, bring the newspaper, fill the printer with paper and sometimes learn how to do the job. She doesn’t hate that actually. The voices do though… As soon as she is alone in her dark little room, they criticize her job:

« Five years in engineering school is what you need in order to know that the majority of the people in the office drink coffee without sugar! » Said a sarcastic voice.  » At least they treat their coffee right! » She responded.

She looked at her phone again and tried to count the stars in her lock screen. It always helps. It should help today for she needs some rest. The voices started counting too. This is a good sign. The voices started fading and they all went to sleep but one.

« Not again. » she said « We are not talking about it today. »

She can picture how guilt was adjusting the chair. That bully is one of the loudest.

« The shoes cost you a fortune. » Said the voice. She was surprised since the subject was not that important.

She tried the old way: ignorance. She knows she won’t make it stop but she wanted to delay the conversation. She knows she needs the money. But she also knows she needs the shoes and especially the happiness she bought with them. She knows the rent is due next week and the owner is not the forgiving type. She started counting the stars again. She figured it was not going to work. Good thing she always has a plan B: counting the stars non stop. It worked as planned; guilt is now asleep so she decided to do the same.

« You will never make it at time, lazy. Wake up! » So the first thing she hears every morning, today included. « Good morning to you too. » she answered « and it’s 5 am… Work starts at 9. »

Her morning routine is not that special: She washes her face, brushes her teeth and eats breakfast while talking to the voices.

She loves talking to them in the morning. They are not judgemental, they actually give her pieces of advice: decisions she can make, places she can go, people she should ignore. Then she chooses her OOTD (outfit of the day) and the voices help her pick the best one. By the end of that process they fade away because that’s the time she goes out and gets surrounded by other people.

She always goes to bed so early. As soon as she closes the apartment’s door, they start complaining. The old lady from the grocery store promised her a new scarf… It’s not going to be long until she has a new addition to the other 24. She made dinner and went to sleep afterwards; she actually got overwhelmed by all the noises in her head.

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The Dual Nature of Fear: Protector and Parasite

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Fear: Friend or Foe?

What if fear isn’t your enemy but your greatest ally? Explore how this powerful emotion secretly shapes your life and might be the key to unlocking your true self.

 

The Quest for Self-Discovery

As individuals and members of the human race, we should devote our greatest effort to discovering who we truly are. We often arrogantly proclaim to know ourselves better than anyone else, but do we? When we hear the word “fear,” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? It likely conjures images of trauma and negative experiences. This amalgamation of letters has gripped many of us, playing a significant role in our existence.

 

Fear’s Significance and History

“Fear.” This small word may seem insignificant, yet it is full of meaning and history. Most people deeply care about their lives, and this tendency exists thanks to fear, even if many tremble at the mere mention of it.

 

The Denial of Fear

As humans, we have a tendency to deny what we don’t understand. We often deny our fear. This is understandable; we are naturally drawn to heroic narratives. Everyone loves tales of bravery and fearlessness. We revel in stories of victory and triumph. So, why should we care about fear?

 

Fear as a Fundamental Human Trait

Fear is a fundamental aspect of our humanity. What kind of brave person denies their true identity, unless we are discussing cowardice? Fear is a powerful emotion; it can speak without uttering a word. While fear may make us seem weak or inferior, it can also affirm our humanity. Fear serves as both a guardian and a ruler, governing our choices and decisions. And believe me, ruling is no easy task, especially in an unstable democracy of emotions and chemicals.

 

Fear as a Survival Mechanism

When the kingdom is under attack, fear can override reason and logic to ensure survival, even if the perceived danger is illusory. Fear acts as a musician, playing the drumbeats of our lives, its music resonating with the world around us. This vibration takes hold of the souls of all living beings.

 

Fear’s Role in Time and Perception

When fear takes charge, we feel our existence connect with the universe. We sense our lives intertwining with something vast and complex. Time slows down, transforming into something else entirely, while our perception sharpens, turning our world into a battlefield.

 

Fear as the Overprotective Mother

Fear can be likened to an overprotective mother, striving to shield her children, yet her protectiveness may hinder their growth and limit their potential. This complex emotion plays dual roles, serving as both protector and sage.

 

Fear’s Parasitic Nature

This inherited facet of our evolution influences our daily behaviors and shapes our character. At times, it turns into a parasite, draining our energy and hindering our progress. Unlike typical parasites, this inner fire originates from our own being; it can stifle our movement or compel us to act impulsively.

 

Fear’s Betrayal in Communication

This force can sometimes act disloyally, betraying its creator. For example, when our fear of judgment undermines our ability to communicate clearly, it jeopardizes our goals ,whether making a good impression or articulating a point. Miscommunication often leads to misunderstandings.

 

The Overwhelming Force of Fear

Viewing the world from this perspective can be enlightening, even if we cannot prove we share the same perceptions. When fear becomes overwhelming, it can manifest as a mentally unstable individual grappling with severe trust issues. This emotion does not easily relinquish control over our destiny or our capacity for change.

 

Fear’s Relationship with Learning and Future Prediction

Fear compels us to obsess over predicting the future and learning from the past, as it intensely despises pain, especially when repeated. Fear’s aversion to pain fuels our motivation and imagination, enabling us to predict effectively and avoid obstacles. Surprisingly, fear can accelerate the learning process.

 

Fear’s Role in Human Beliefs

This complex chemical response empowers human beliefs and convictions, adding a unique spark that transforms them into dogma, shaping our behavior. Fear renders beliefs unquestionable; when we deny our beliefs, we deny our identity. All humans have standards, fortified by fear. Without fear, we are nobody. Fear is, in essence, us.

 

Modern Fears and Illusions

Our fears of change, rejection, the unknown, failure, loneliness, dissatisfaction, and unmet expectations are illusions that have become overly significant in our lives. While desire undeniably influences these fears, they have overshadowed fear’s original purpose: survival and the preservation of our existence.

 

Mental Survival in the 21st Century

We still engage in the same primitive survival game, but today’s survival is more mental than physical. In the 21st century, we battle internal dangers and threats. The technological and scientific revolution has shifted our struggles from the external world to our minds.

 

Emptiness and the Human Spirit

Homo sapiens no longer strive to coexist with the external world; our focus has shifted to mental survival. Humanity, with its problem-solving tendencies, may even create challenges just to enjoy overcoming them. While we abhor pain, we also cannot tolerate emptiness.

 

Fear and the Freedom of Choice

The human spirit is unaccustomed to emptiness and the freedom of choice. We thrive under pressure. Fear, once selected by nature for survival, has become less useful in a world dominated by peace. Our violent nature, no longer expressed physically, threatens either our destruction or our evolution.

 

The Inner Predators

If violence once protected us from external threats, today’s predators reside within us. Can we protect ourselves from ourselves and our potential actions? This is a question we must explore.

 

The Future of Fear

We try to envision virtual dangers to validate fear, but how long can this continue? Is it possible that fear will eventually be selected out by nature and become obsolete? If fear’s only remaining role is in competition, isn’t that more closely related to greed, desire, and humanity’s inherent hunger for power and occupation? Can fear survive in the modern world? That is the question.

 

Written By: Habib Riden

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