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The essence of Empathy

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From the very first steps we took on that living room carpet we’ve been set into a huge trap. We were the victims of a huge scam, a lie they keep on telling us: the world revolves around us!

Narcissistic upbringing may seem like a foreign expression from that psychological thriller you watched a million years ago, but its toll is way more prominent than we deemed it.

You may not be swooned by your reflection in the mirror, you may not think you’re the wittiest homosapien that ever existed. But unlike we presume, many of us lack one tiny little element: Empathy.

The world is growing more and more stoic by the day and with all the concrete walls we managed to build around ourselves we lost the ability to connect with others and the key to connection is showing each other our vulnerability, and that will never work unless the empathy factor is there.

Feelings have become one dimensional ready-to-go packs. Compassion is slowly getting rendered into small expressions told with no real comprehension of the situation whatsoever.

A kind little gesture can change the world through the perspective of the person you empathize with. So why hold back? Why hide how you truly feel?

What’s in it for you? Easy: you’ll rebuild your identity. We often misconceive ourselves as constant variables in time and space when, as a matter of fact, identity is built through experiment and practice… Lots of practice. Every goody goody action you perform will immediately be turned into positive feedback for your brain which will make that action a part of you. An accumulation of similar actions builds a new identity.

we’re not automatically born a mother Theresa or a father Patrick. Empathy is generally a cognitive skill.

*Speaks in little finger tone* “Empathy is a ladder and the climb is all there is.”

Empathy starts with cognition! Recognizing what another person may be feeling or going through. And that’s most certainly not done by studying how many creases formed around someone’s eye the moment they smiled because that’s some serious sociopathic behavior !

It’s simply done by listening. A lot of details about a person can pop out through a simple chit-chat or an unexpected emotional reaction. never shy away from asking a person why they behaved a certain way or said certain things. Thus you will be breaking the holy concrete wall

Your next step will now be sharing. And sharing is indeed caring. Do not stop at breaking that wall but try to put yourself in the person’s shoes. share their woes and sorrows . You are now inside the walls. what you may feel will probably never compare to the person’s take on things but getting the tiniest idea can make a huge difference.

How? Because the next step will be action. Try to help the person leave the concrete fort. Attempt to be there for them at every step of solving a problem. you don’t have to pay their bills or free their country from a heartless invader, but a warm hug can indeed make a huge impact.

See it’s easy! 3 steps that can really change the way you perceive the world and most importantly: yourself. Free your soul from the limited spectrum of emotions we’re told to stick to and dare to connect !

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A happy bean in a happy field.

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« what are you so afraid of losing when nothing in this world belongs to you. »

I think of this quote way often, way more than i should.
Every time the sunset is too beautiful, the trees cast the shadows on the streets, and i catch myself missing old versions of me, of how everything used to be .. every time a train passes by and i just stand there, standing still in a world that’s constantly moving forward.

Every time i raise my eyes to the vast deep blue sky and the stars are flickering with light, a passionate light, showering the world with their magic. Every time the moon is following me down a long heavy road from home to home — a feeling I’ll never get used to. Every time i catch a bird doing its little dance in the misty rain and it all feels a bit too good to be true .. every time a familiar face passes next to me on a road busy with people, with life.

Every time i feel safe, scared, hopeful .. every time i feel, i am reminded of how « nothing in this world belongs to me, and i belong to everything. » Of how i have nothing to lose yet everything to experience .. what a wonderful gift it is that none of this grief i carry between the palms of my hands belongs to me, none of this beauty around me belongs to me. I get to live through it all. I get to experience it all.

Written by: Hadil Khalili

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