In the midst of sinking

The rain bore down mercilessly upon the horizons, pounding roughly on the rooftop to slowly reach the glass of my window.

It was that moment of time when my soul matched perfectly that foggy universe, leaving nothing but a feeling of vanity, anonymity and asphyxiation.

« Who are you? » asked the caterpillar.

« I hardy know sir, I know who I was but I think I must have changed. » answered Alice.

I believe I was trapped too, but unlike Alice in Wonderland, I’m a prisoner of my own thoughts and convictions.

Between past regrets and future uncertainties, time freezes and we lose our identities in the flow…

I looked around, palped every part of my body. «Good,» I told myself… «At least I still exist,» but existing is never enough to be, it’s just a narrow component of a whole.

We search for meaning, for some kind of a « rabbit hole » to another reality where we can find ourselves but the doors are all shut… What is the point of all of this if I can’t be ? If I can’t improve? I must be here for a reason which makes me who I am, a sort of clue to my identity but « Who in the world am I?  » the question remains stading…

Time and space lose all their essence when « being » is ripped between evidence and delusion.. So it vanishes as fast as light due to this existential conflict and absence of repairs.

You can totally exist somewhere, in a particular moment of time but still non-existant or completely out of reality, either locked in the past or worried about the future, and here you are! Turning in circles.

The rain cooled down for a moment, vision became a bit clearer, and so did my thoughts.

I stood there in the middle of that void thinking of a way to save myself from sinking, but how am I supposed to do this? What is the right path ?

– Which road do I take ? she asked.

-Where do you want to go ? responded the cashemire cat.

-I don’t know. Alice answered.

Then the cat said, « It doesn’t matter. »

*Reference(s) : Alice in Wonderland

*image : Women Are Heroes, Paris by Jr