أشعر أني فقدت القدرة على التعبير عن ما يجول في ذهني .. حتى الكتابة تركتني أتخبط وحيدا في متاهات لست أرى فيها نورا .. أغوص في تلك الأفكار المتشعبة فأضيع .. أضيع حين أتذكر الماضي وتتراكم الأنقاض في ذهني فأحاول أن أتناسى لكن ذاكرتي تعذبني وتجعل من ذهني ساحة تتقد فيها النيران .. نيران تلتهم ما تبقى من ذكريات جميلة تنير بصيرتي.
إنه لشعور مرهق تستمر الأفكار القاتمة في التدفق لهدمي رغم محاولاتي للتناسي .. أحاول أن أوجه تفكيري نحو الحاضر لكن دون جدوى، فهالة الإحباط تحتضنني ولا تترك لي مهربا .. حسنا سأحاول أن أشتت تلك الأفكار لذلك سأجلس في المقهى ..
جلست وحيدا و لا أحد معي سوى قهوة لم أتفطن إلى مرارتها إلا حين أخبرني النادل أنه لم يضع سوى كيس واحد من السكر .. عرفت حينها أني لن أهرب من تلك الأفكار مهما فعلت، فقررت أن ألبس قناعا يخفي جبال الانكسار وأن لا أبوح لأحد بما يختلج صدري .. سأكتب كل شيء حين أحس أني بدأت أضعف .. وحين أنتهي، سأمسح كل الحروف و أكتب « أنا بخير » .. أعلم أني لست بخير ولكني أفضل أن أسقط في جب الأفكار السوداء وأخرج بعد دهر على أن أنتظر يدا تخرجني .. و المفارقة أني تلذذت القهوة المرة وصرت مدمنا عليها منذ تلك اللحظة.
لست أدري لماذا لم أعدم هاته الكلمات حتى الآن .. ربما لأنني حقا بخير .. أو ربما لأنني بدأت أنتشي بالضياع، فهو يجعلني أبحث عن ذاتي التي ربما لن أجدها .. فقط ربما ..
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What is it like to have an ideal life? Am I going to be better than that specific person one day? Are my sacrifices and hard-work enough to upgrade my current self and make it a better human? Will it be enough? Am I going to be satisfied one day? Is that even possible? Or it is just an illusion?
We have been told that the human mind is one of the most persistent forces on earth, yet nobody ever talks about the fact that that force can easily be manipulated, played with, and shaped into a box of socially-constructed structures.
Our desires, ambitions, dreams, the creation of our personality, and our psyche have become the threads that urge our “marionettes”.
The subtle hand of power that is making humans convicts of its social prototype, people have become symbolically blind. Let’s take the example of the process of Americanization, more specifically the American dream. We have reached a level of absent-mindedness in a way we started to omit the idea that truth is relative. We have been propagandized to think that our dreams and ambitions should strictly follow those of the mainstream society, which is a technique used to boost the nationalist economy, first, and then, to clone human beings.
In other words, every individual is a seeker of an abstraction, which by consequence will become his requested dream, not by choice, but by the repressive power of the illusionist society.
Henceforth, if we dig deeper into the essence of our lives, the way we perceive happiness, we will be astonished by the fact that all that we have been presuming is a phantasm, a mirage-like concept.
Thus, being thirsty for that happiness, an ideal life mislead us in the maze of “falsehood”, which is spawned by the power of the non-existent powerful.
Going back in time, philosophers discussed the notion of power as being the engine that turns the wheel of life. For instance, Nietzsche spoke about this “insatiable desire to manifest power”, as being the core of our life experience.
Hence, the “will to power “can be justified as being a natural instinct of the human race, which explains the infinite chain of power-exercising process.
In fact, this mechanism of purchasing power made us unconscious followers of a theoretical perfection.
Moreover, to gain the ultimate power, and that feeling of condescension, human beings started to re-shape their personalities, and reformulate their ethics and life principles in order to appeal to the society, and the other “superior” groups. We started to valorize and intensify other’s power, supposing that it will win us the motivation to look alike, and become that updated version of our primitive selves. However, ones should get a glimpse of how this “chain of power” works.
Accordingly, every individual is a claimant of “power” which he inherits from another stronger individual, which the latter, consequently, receipts from the very-powerful above all, which is a devoid concept created by the human mind to promote the feeling of pride and determination, and the more these feelings are intensified the more the sensation of dissatisfaction is sharpened.
In other words, the notion of idealism does not exist, because it is an act pressured by an omnipotent human force to guide us to think that the idealistic life is a presupposed assumption, or it may be also considered as one of the grand narratives.
As follows, human beings are never satisfied with what they own, we always try to fulfill our desires to experience a “Utopian” lifestyle, by imitating a “living exemplar” that we see as superior to us.
that specific person I mentioned at the start, whom we perceive as more mighty than us, is implicitly, and unconsciously controlling our perception of Idealism, thus, by doing so, our aims in life became to exceed the level of that person, and compete with him to have a better life,
And This is not the real life we seek.
For instance, once upon a time, we all had an objective or a goal that we were eager to achieve, yet once we reached that intention, the strong desire for that subject fled away. Did you ever ask yourselves why?
Well, simply because that was not our genuine choice, it is that power of whom we regard as powerful, who defined our dreams and ambitions as our legitimate request.
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