Self-esteem

How does it feel to wish to be anyone but yourself, to find beauty in everyone, to always find something to admire in others not by kindness but pushed by your inability to find beauty in yourself?

It feels  like low self esteem.

For everyone who doesn’t know this term, here is an explanation.

Low self esteem is to look around and say « she is pretty » while meaning  » I must be really ugly »

Low self esteem is to buy new jeans while imagining them on someone else’s body.

Low self esteem is to constantly promise yourself you’re gonna be a bit prouder, a bit less insecure, once you achieve another goal in life while indeed no sucess can heal the damage in your soul unless you hug yourself to sleep and whisper « you are doing so well you deserve to rest ».

Low self esteem is to avoid mirrors because you don’t like what you see, you say « my skin isn’t glowing today I’ll avoid them for a day or two » but when did you ever like what you see? Oh I forgot, it’s when you dye your hair like the girl next door, it’s when you put on make-up and imagine yoursef looking like a different person .

Low self esteem is to always feel inferior to others no matter how much you achieve.

Low self esteem is the demon in your head telling you to check your shirt, your skirt, your hair; there must be something wrong if that guy is laughing, while he’s just enjoying a joke about how monkeys can’t fly.

Low self esteem is « maybe a bit slimmer, a bit fatter in the right places, maybe a bit smarter, a bit cuter… Why ain’t I a bit of everything or anything? »

Hot suffocating tears and beautiful stars above are asking you  » you know how it feels to heal ? ».

Healing feels like childish yellow notes lighting up your room when you forget who you are, reminding you constantly that « you can’t expect to be good at everything, you can fail but that doesn’t make you a failure » « you can’t be yourself and everyone else at the same time » « you deserve the world ».

Healing feels like the long talk sessions in front of the mirror you used to hate, it’s realizing that you have beautiful eyes and that your smile is to die for.

Healing feels like realizing that you want to be slimmer and actually going through a diet while deeply believing  that it’s still you wether you’re skinny or fat.

Healing feels like realizing that you cant swim and adding it to your « face it all list ».

Healing is knowing your flaws and doing something about it, it is knowing your best qualities and improving them, it is simply trying to be your best version everyday with patience and passion.

Healing is to look at yourself and say  » I wouldn’t trade you for the world ». It is  » if I had the ability to choose to be anyone I’d still choose you over millions of people because it’s you ».